Top Ten Other Reasons to Be an English Major at Westminster

1. Learn great Elizabethan insults like “Thou droning dizzy-eyed malt-worm” ... “Thou gleeking spur-galled puttock” ... “Thou unmuzzled plume-plucked minnow.”

2. Charm them with your writing, at the office and on Valentine’s Day.

3. Earn self-congratulatory bumper stickers like “I read Ulysses—and liked it!”.

4. Norton will be more to you than anti-virus software.

5. Ace the McDonald's essay application.

6. Two words: phallic symbols.

7. You’ll unconsciously proofread the text on your box of Froot Loops.

8. Spend time talking about books with people who’ve read them.

9. Tame the wily semicolon.

10. You’ll be rich in both mind and lucre (and know the etymology of lucre, too).

11. No math!